all about flow

Again with the no flow. Geez what is it with today not flowing when I want it to. I am spending a good bit of time holding space for what is today and while I don't mind doing this I guess I had sort of hoped that flow would show up at some point. So I took Eva over to buy some summer clothes and we almost- almost- got out of there without any issues and then she saw the barrettes. It never fails at this place. They sell these really cute but poorly made barrettes for just $3.00- which I will admit is better than it used to be. They used to charge something like $5.00 and I know, I know I have made handmade crafts and knit dolls and baked cakes- I know these things take time and creativity and resources but it's like this- every time I brought one of those barrettes home they broke almost immediately and then Eva was sad and wanted me to fix them and they were never worn again because the little sparkle that made the heart was gone and so then it was me with super glue and the tiniest bits of glitter imaginable...

So I said no to the barrettes. I actually remember saying no to the barrettes before we even went inside which I go back and forth on. Set it up or wait and see? I can't decide sometimes so I just go with what comes to me. This time I set it up and I thought we were fine- she loved her clothes! It went well! But they keep those barrettes right there at the check out and you know it is a small business and all and I don't fault them, except of course I do. I want them to put the barrettes somewhere else- like with the shoes or socks or something and stop putting so much pressure on the buyer with the just-one-more or the it's-just-three-dollars. Enough already, you know?

So I said no and Eva was distraught and while I enjoyed chatting with the woman helping me and learning about her son getting his driver's permit and talking about what-will-we-do-when-they-leave-home (although to be honest that issue is creeping up on her a bit more quickly than me at this point) and how my mom had a garage sale on the day I left for college (true- or at least my mind believes it, I haven't confirmed this one for years...) I also wish we could have done a drive through or speedy delivery because the longer it took the more distraught Eva became and by the time we left she was sobbing and heaving and so so sad about those barrettes. Really not all of the barrettes, but the one. The really pretty one. That one.

So we got home and she was still very sad and crying and sitting with me and she started asking me if we could go tomorrow to get the barrette she wanted? Oh no. I'm not going there. Going there means hearing about when-will-we-go-get-the-barrette every half hour until we go. No. If I'm going to get the barrette it is going to be now or not at all.

Turns out it was now. I changed my mind. I know, I know. So many head shakes and gasps. Anywhichway you look at it the barrettes were bound to come up again. I am a big believer in changing my mind, following my heart, doing what feels good right now. And right now I had to admit Eva made a compelling case for going back and plunking down the three dollars for the prettiest little white barrette without glitter you can imagine. Yep. Without glitter really sold me. I wonder at the change in circumstances if I had lowered my resistance a bit while we were in the store and looked at the one she had wanted then rather than waiting. It's tricky though. Looking while I was in the store would have totally opened things up to buying the barrette while we were there even if there were sparkles, in front of the clerk, with Samuel tapping his toes. So I waited. I didn't plan on changing my mind. I don't always. But then sometimes I do.

OK and here's the good part. Or how about another good part. The flow. The flow shows up. Samuel- after hearing we were going back to buy the barrette- shook his head and told me that he was really working on just not caring if someone else does something really dumb. As far as he is concerned, if they want to do something dumb, let them. And I said, that sounds great- a really good way to hold onto your own peace. And he said, yes! I don't need to worry about what other people are doing as long as it doesn't have anything to do with me. What a gem! (Of course I am giggling thinking about our exchange. I asked him outright- do you think what I am doing is dumb? He smiled. It's not my business to say...)

All at once he witnesses flexibility and consideration (or reconsideration?). He sees me following my heart. And he finds that holding onto his own peace is more desirable than not. Talk about a flow- and I didn't even see it coming!