grocery store {ped}antics

There are various checkers at the grocery store we frequent that I generally avoid if I can help it. Today I added one more to the list. Although- when I think about it- it seems like I was already avoiding this checker for a reason I can no longer remember. Whatever the reason was before, he's definitely back on my list now. And closer to the top. As in the first or second slots. Although to be fair, the first slot is very solidly held by a woman who I avoid as close to always as possible, even though Samuel sometimes eggs me on and asks me to go through one of my banned checkers' aisles. Just for fun. He likes the thrill that annoying people can sometimes bring. Plus I think he learns a lot about social acceptability and how to handle difficult people. Plus he likes to laugh afterward. Or practice his scowl. Who can say really. I rarely, let it be known, take him up on it and mostly choose to stick to the checkers I prefer. The tried and the true, if you will.

But things happen and today, the teen who helped me carry my turkey to the checkout line picked this particular checker's line and I didn't feel like quibbling, saying something like, "Um. He's on my banned checkers list, could we move a row over?" So I stayed and thought I was feeling magnanimous enough to get through whatever encounter presented itself, irritating or not. I'm usually able to rise to the occasion, I just don't always feel like using my energy in that way, if you know what I mean.

So it's our turn and he starts checking out the couple of things I couldn't get when I ordered the bulk of my groceries online last night. He asks the kids if they want a sticker- a common occurrence at this grocery store. When they say yes, he then says to them very seriously, "What's the magic word." Good grief I am so tired of the magic word patrol and all of it's promptings. My kids are polite kids. They say please and thank you. And not because I prodded them and poked them with talk of magic words their whole life.

So they stared at him and made no move to answer or to take a sticker. I laughed and said, "Abracadabra?" He did not look amused at my attempt to divert attention from his magic word trick and said very seriously to me, "Please. That's the magic word to me, please." As though we really didn't know what the magic word was. My children- ruffians- running about in the world, not knowing what the magic word was. I laughed some more.

There are a couple of things here that bug me. The first is offering someone something and then demanding them to say please before you give it to them and accusing them of being the impolite one. Did I mention you'd already offered it to them? Also- can you imagine saying that to an adult? And then- why is the checkout person at the grocery store deciding to become a member of the etiquette police with my kids? While I'm spending money at the store he works at. For Thanksgiving. Over a sticker he has already offered to them. This constant desire for people to turn into the etiquette police around children, faultless users of the magic word themselves, I'm sure, is sometimes humorous. But more often nosy. Meddlesome. And pedantic.

Thankfully, our transaction with him was nearly finished. Before we could leave, though, he asked me one more question, which led to another, while I was punching in my pin to pay for a donation to the food bank. He asked if the schools had been closed today because of the snow. (We got a little snow last night and it's not unheard of for Portland schools to close over less.) I should have lied and said yes. Or lied and said no. Because I didn't know the answer and instead I said, "I'm not sure. We homeschool." So we're nearly done, right? Almost out of there. When he asks, "Oh? And what have they learned today?" But not curious. Serious. With a hint of the pedant still lurking about. And now he's quizzing me.

On another sort of day I might have felt irritated or I might have simply laughed at his question and then left the store, but today I said with a smile, "The magic word?" Yep. And he blushed. And I still don't know if he thought he really had taught my kids the magic word or if he knew I was calling him on all of it. And I wished him a happy Thanksgiving and we left the store.

I don't know. Normally I don't say anything. I don't like to match the pedant's pedantism with my own lesson-teaching. Some days, though, the fussiness and meddling and nosiness become tiresome and I just wish someone would ask {simply} if we are enjoying our day. And I would ask them the same. And then we could smile and recognize that we are sharing this human experience, this day. And that would be enough. Plenty, even.

Hence the banned checker list. And the tried and the true.