Happy Birthday Samuel!

Fun!
early morning treasure hunt
excitment
presents
happy happy ds time
Indiana whip
pizza
playing with Jack
outdoor treasure hunt
Indiana Jones
angel food roll cake with jam
orange sorbet
balloons
Ellen and Evan
sharing fun
chicken satay
full belly laughs
lots of love
gratitude
big smiles, wide grins
happy happy the best birthday ever

the day before the day

Senior friends Agnes and Charlie hanging out on my lap together. Charlie was a little nervous at first but soon both were so comfortable in the sunshine on my lap it didn't matter anymore.

Today is the big day before the big day. Today is the day before Samuel's 9th birthday! Today we will buy balloons and put up a giant Indiana Jones banner that says Happy Birthday. Today we will make sure we have candles. We will try and find an Indiana Jones balloon (a trip to Party City is not to be missed!). Today we will make not one but two angel food roll cakes with jam spread inside. Today we will make homemade orange sorbet "just because it is a fun thing to have on your birthday". Today I will put together two treasure hunts- one for Samuel's gifts and one for when his friend Jack comes over later. This year's treasure? Paddle balls!

Last night Eva wanted to watch Spot. You remember Spot, don't you? Sometimes she feels nostalgic for her youth, her babyhood and reaches out for all the little things she remembers from that time. The funny thing about Spot for Eva is that she didn't really ever watch Spot. It is something about the time though, a way of being that she is searching for- like if I were nostalgic for the early 80's and watched The Dukes of Hazard even though I never really watched that show at the time. That sort of thing.

Samuel, however, is so over Spot. In fact he was my child who liked to watch Spot, over and over and over. Apparently he had his fill. Whenever Eva brings a Spot book home from the library or wants to put on the old Spot video he resists. Last night he said, "The thing I don't like about Spot is that he is always learning something. I like the characters I watch to be educated." I could not stop laughing over this. That is Samuel through and through. He really wants people to have it together and doesn't tolerate any waffling around about it. Fascinating quote in light of our unschooling lives. Aren't unschoolers always saying things like "Learning all the time!" Well not around here. Here we have it together :)

But seriously though, it got me thinking about how some characters are portrayed when they are learning and I thought that might be what Samuel was referring to, not the learning per se but the portrayal of learning. Frequently these characters are seen as not knowing things rather than simply learning in their own time. There is an end result to the learning process, those in the know and those out of the loop. It might even be shameful in some stories to not know something, to have to learn. This I feel is what Samuel is responding to when he feels frustrated with different characters and them "always learning something".

He is responding to the idea that you aren't powerful if you need to ask a question, if you aren't an expert. This is something I hope I am helping to shake up a bit around here- for myself as well. Learning is inherent to the process of living. Learning is living. Or living is learning? Either way, each of us is where we are. How could we be anywhere else? Making assumptions, not asking questions, not reaching out for help and even not speaking up when I do know...these are all things I do when I believe I should already know something, or know it better than I do... I guess the word should is a tip off that something is amiss. But hey, I am still learning...

letting go

Magnificent. Geese. Lots and lots of geese. Hail. Sunshine and clouds. Geese calling. Spark of spring, winter chill. Violets scenting. I was thinking today about letting go and when do you know when to let go- of anything? A favorite color? A favorite book? And how it really is such a process, not a one-time-get-it-out-of-your-system thing. More practice there. Try saying yellow. Or taking it day by day. Today it is orange. For those tiger lilies over there. For that ladybug. Pink for that party dress. Catcher in the Rye for when I was in 9th grade and Dead Souls for College and Anais Nin for right now, on this day. But usually not green. Or mysteries.

Sometimes there is a concerted effort and processing afterward for days and days and weeks as we practice remembering that we have let that go. I think- I do not want that any more. It is a matter of remembering over and over again even when it looks good. I forget what I don't want. Even when we think back to how much we wanted it before. I always wanted a coat like that. It never worked out. Do I still want a coat like that? I let that one go. Can I pick it up again? Do I even want to?

We remember something we wanted to do. It marks us. How hard it is to be who we are in this moment and not who we thought we were then. Or even who we were then. Or who we wanted to be. Wistfulness. I wanted to be her and was not. Now I am me. Do I want to be a person who always says purple? So sure. Such a color. Such history. The color of royalty. It is with regret that we let go of these things that have shaped who we are, who we think of ourselves as, who we believe ourselves to have become. It is when we take these things to be permanent, ourselves to be permanent, that our regret catches up with us. Who will I be if I let that go?

wood violets expanding



we painted our nails- Eva picked her colors and you can see the other designs on her feet as well

having a little coconut bliss

Today seems to be one of those days when my mind wants to take a break from abundant happy thoughts and go on a detour of entertaining every sad story it can whip up. I am doing my best to stay present with it all. Spending time with plants is helpful for me so I pruned some roses and while out there I noticed so many baby spiders spinning their webs among the buds. I started thinking about the spiders I have been seeing around the house over the last couple of days. We have a few ants coming and going here and there (it's that time of year after all) and the spiders have finally arrived to help out with that (their perspective, not the ants' obviously and maybe partially mine but only loosely. I don't mind a few ant scouts here and there. I don't even mind a lot of ant scouts but I know others do and I love that the spiders help resolve that for us or in spite of us or really probably more accurately not-anything-to-do-with-us. I use help for lack of a better word currently and I realize it gives the wrong impression.) So I was thinking about the spiders, a fun topic for me, and I was wondering how on earth the spiders seem to come around right when the ants are scouting further out. Amazing how it all works itself out. But wait, is that a glimmer of hope, a ray of understanding that my mind is allowing to trickle in. Mixing my metaphors but I hope so!

The rain on one side of the house and not the other has switched to neither side of the house and I am off to take a look at the emerging columbine and wood violets on the other side of the house. Don't knock whatever therapy helps.

the frog watch continues

Well, we saw one frog (which is one frog more than the last time we went...) and as we were leaving we heard many more. It is still a little cold and I am tempted to go back in a few days but wonder if I am pushing my luck (with my kids, that is). Put it this way, if there is a time in the next two to five days or so that looks promising and I am in the frog mood, I will definitely go back to Sauvie Island. I was feeling very disappointed today because when we arrived there was a frog scare-er- as Eva aptly put it- driving around in the water doing only-they-know-what. There was not a duck or frog to be seen. There was a nutria, but only when the frog scare-er was far far away.

After they finished their project, they drove away and the water slowly began to repopulate with song birds and water birds and then we started to hear the frogs. By the time we could really hear them the kids were tired out and it was time to go. Another lovely day on Sauvie Island, with or without frogs, to be sure. As we were leaving we saw a bald eagle flying overhead. Lovely end.



spring crocuses!




frog watching and check out the frog scare-er...

We have had such a lovely jam packed couple of days and now I am so tired I am willing the cats and everyone else to sleep deep and long tonight so that I may get caught up on my own sleep. I really want to go look for frogs again tomorrow! I heard them singing last night when we got home from Seattle and I just know that means they have started their spring fling. This is almost exactly the time I went that magical year we heard them all singing along together. Last year I waited too long and while there were still so-many-frogs, it was not quite the exact singing time I remembered from the previous year. Whatever happens it will be nice to be outside again. I spent a few hours outside in the garden today planting mesclun mix, spinach and sugar snap peas. I also spent a good bit of time digging up feral sweet peas who had reseeded themselves from last year. What a sweet pea sensation there will be in just a few months. Our patio will be so fragrant with the blossoms of sweet peas...

Eva said the wood violets smelled so lovely, like some sort of candy and picked a bouquet to put in water. She spent some time planting with me and then visited the various flowers blooming around the yard. Three colors of crocuses greeted us today! Yesterday we were still in Seattle until late afternoon. We went to the aquarium and saw the Pacific Octopus. Eva made friends with a special fish in the Puget Sound area and we touched sea stars and sea anemone and I braved a spider crab. Did you know that spider crabs decorate themselves with whatever is around them for camouflage AND they also keep little bits on themselves to eat?

Samuel's favorite part of our trip to Seattle was going to the top of the Space Needle. He was so taken with the view he wanted to go up a second time the next day. My favorite part of the science museum was the butterfly exhibit. Eva was so sad the butterflies didn't land on her when she was pretending to be a flower. She is now very excited to send away for a butterfly cocoon this summer...