Well, the dramamine I took to not-have-motion-sickness on the train on the way back from Seattle worked better than not having taken any on the way to Seattle (as in, I was *much* less sick on the way home, although I still couldn't walk around or look out the train, etc. the ginger ale and saltines also helped immensely...) Still, something about the medicine in the less-drowsy formula gave me an incredibly intense migraine all last night and today. I'm sure it didn't help that I was traveling and tired and all that goes along with that. The kids enjoyed their time at home today and I spent quite a bit of it in bed, either resting or sleeping or spending time with cats. I'm hoping this migraine {that seems to be finally winding down} will be completely gone by tomorrow so I can get back to other things like knitting and taking walks. The sun isn't shining but it has warmed up enough that the outsides were calling out to me today. I'm hoping to spend some more time out in the yard with the now blooming snowdrops. Maybe I'll uncover some more crocus buds while I'm at it...

Outside on a day like today...

I just finished up a couple of exhausting and, as usual, humbling migraine-y days that began with a lot of pre-migraine symptoms, which were then followed by the actual migraine and then more actual migraine and then some crazy post-migraine, which was mainly just more exhaustion and not nearly enough a-ha-ing, for my taste. (A-ha-ing being one of the better side-effects of the migraine state of mind.) The pre-migraine this time had a lot to do with not being able to focus and feeling just very generally overwhelmed and done, and coming after Christmas- what turned out to be a very hectic-feeling Christmas for me, at that- it was a bit much. And part of that day was spent at Toys R Us. Right.

So, today was a huge relief and I spent a good bit of it outside doing yard work, cleaning up the patio, and raking leaves in the back on the patio and in the front in the foyer, which feels so clean and open now. All of that raking I put off back in October and November to either spend time with Maxwell or mourn Maxwell's passing has been- at least in part- taken care of and well worth putting off.

It was exhilarating being outside in the December sunshine with the geese flying overhead, particularly after the migraine was over. There tends to be, for me, a lovely sense of calm and clarity after a migraine that I wholeheartedly appreciate. A bit of silver-lining after the storm, if you will. Being outside really accentuates this feeling, what with the other creatures around me continuing on with it all and the enduring beauty of the world, punctuated {today} by circling seagulls and my rescuing of any number of stranded worms after I had raked up their adopted habitats. These are the sorts of things that will keep my eyes misty and searching on a day like today.

In between bits of sunshine, we had some *very* wintry weather, complete with the longest hail storm I have ever witnessed, or so it seemed at the time. This was followed by several variations on the theme of frozen-water-falling-from-the-sky, including {what I would label as} sleet, a little freezing rain, some slush and then a bit of regular rain. We are supposed to get some actual snow tonight, which would be fun, but I would enjoy an ice storm as well. If it's going to be impossible to drive around here, it might as well be as lovely as it can be. (Winter! Go ahead and pull out all of the stops. I know you are nearly done here in Oregon, as far as any freezing temperatures go {really} and ready to return to rain at any moment.)

poncho love

OK- turns out I love the poncho. I am actually wearing it right now. We have been having lovely fall weather complete with sunshine and warm winds. I took my sweater off today and put on a short sleeve shirt. The poncho with that out on the patio is just the thing.

Today I was going to write about this migraine that I had yesterday, all last night and half the day today. I am actually still recovering from it and have to take it easy and go to bed early lest it get reved up again and return, as migraines in the past have been known to do. This morning I had an amazing time out on the patio with the sunshine and fall leaves and migraine. The wind was blowing and the trees were dancing. This type of high pressure, warm wind weather, while lovely, also reminds me of migraines, probably because it seems to be a trigger for me for migraines, at least some part of it. I'm not sure if it's the dry wind or the sudden increase in pressure or both, since the warm winds don't seem to exist without the increase in pressure, at least not around here.

For the geese, though, this weather seemed to be all about flight practice. While I sat on the patio eating potatoes and drinking coffee, enjoying the fresh air after a sleepless night, the geese flew over our house and back to the park several times. Each time I would first hear the build up a few blocks away. Then I would see a few of the first geese to take off, just behind the trees a few houses over. Then a rush of dozens- perhaps 200 geese?- as they flew up and around the trees, past our house, over to the left and back to the park. What I love most about watching the geese stretch their wings is just how much they have to say to one another about flying, while flying. It felt to me at times like their energy, their sheer numbers, could pull the migraine up out of my head and release it into the air. Free. The migraine now free of the boundaries of my head, constricting it's movement to dull pounding, could pulse unbridled through the air with the geese. My head, now free of the migraine's insistent pounding, could bask in the silence. In the peace. I breathed a sigh of relief just thinking of it.

But now- even more than then, I am tired of the migraine's presence in my life. It should have gone away hours ago. It should never have come. And I don't wish to talk about it- much less write about it- any more.

So, there will be pictures of Eva's art project today. And a video of how it's done.

early morning

I am up very early this morning with just the hint of a migraine and trying to decide if I should have some caffeine to try and put an end to it once and for all or if I should go back to sleep. Obviously, they are mutually exclusive. This migraine started yesterday evening and I thought I had pushed it back to wherever migraines come from last night when I went to sleep but obviously it stuck around enough to get me up with the cats this morning.

I think for now I will sit up and have some macaroni and cheese. Between me and me, I have eaten nearly the whole box I made last night. There seems to be nothing quite like macaroni and cheese for a migraine {for me}. Oatmeal is good too. Other pasta. Something about the intense carbs is really important. Is that serotonin production? Migraines are such complicated beasts I suppose it could be any number of things. All I know is that I keep a box of mac n cheese in the cupboard specifically for migraines and that during those times it is transformed from a mere boxed convenience food to a near nectar of the gods.

I see a hint of sunlight through the window now. A subtle lightening of the sky. I imagine that by the time it is really light outside I will be going back to sleep for a while. My kids were up very late last night which seemed like a bad thing at the time but I am now seeing it could be a good thing, what with me up before the crack of dawn and all. I may get some extra time to sleep and perhaps say goodbye to my migraine. Mac n cheese and a little more sleep may be just the thing. No caffeine needed. Some days I really can't take the caffeine. Another one of those maybe good, maybe bad zen moments that seems to permeate my life, helping me to suspend judgment on what goes on and allowing me to be with what is. If I stop and think about it, I have to admit that things usually do work out at some point on some level. I don't always like the process on the way, though. Looking closer I see that might not be a bad thing. Maybe yes. Maybe no. I'm sure there's something in there about learning to suspend judgement on the process as well. Leave it to a migraine to shed light on a process. They seem to be a whole process in and of themselves.


Before heading off to sleep, I wanted to post some cute pictures from the other day when our friends Lisa, Orion and Akasha came over to visit. We loved hanging out and showing them Albert and Terrence, but of course!



Here is Eva showing Akasha Albert. My goodness but she loved that guinea pig. The last picture is Akasha eating some of my canned peaches. That night the kids and I could not stop talking about how cute it was that she brought her bowl into me and asked for "more peaches". Toddlers and guinea pigs- what more? Well, peaches, for one, obviously. But after that you are really stretching.

I am off to sleep for a bit before Samuel and Eva wake up. See you on the other side of the migraine.