I'll be honest. There seemed to be very little of interest or anything inspiring to post about when I woke up this morning. Contrast that with other times, other days, when it seems as though each thing I think about or see can pass itself off as the meaning of life. I've been feeling very down and thick in the head and that sort of feeling can be challenging to write with. It's not that I don't recognize the beauty around me when I feel like this or the endless possibilities inherent in life. I do. It's more like a stream of so many blah blah blah's filling up my experience and laying a film of what else? on top of everything.

Yes. So I cleaned the bedroom. Which was amazing. Which is amazing. Because now! I can sit in this incredibly clean space and feel the sensation of the blah blah blah's washing over me and it all seems that much more manageable. It is that much more manageable. In fact, it almost seems like nothing at all. Almost.

And, I'm *pleased* to note, there turned out to be something of interest to write about after all. I love it when that happens. So now, I have a clean room and a blog post. And both came out of a very bad mood. Remind me to take stock of the day nearer to the end than the beginning more often.

enough

I watched this Ted Talk by Brene Brown this morning and loved it. I was reminded of my own recent thinking about wholeness.

The talk is about twenty minutes and finishes up with the idea that the way to live life is to let ourselves be seen. Live by practicing gratitude and joy. And live by believing we are enough. {And know that when we try to numb out all of the bad things, we end up numbing out the good things too.}

Watch here now.

rock opera {zen}

The kids and I went to see Alice and Wonderland performed as a rock opera today and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. I had no idea what to expect going in and kept pushing aside the phrase rock opera, as though it weren't really important to my understanding of what show we were going to see. Or even more likely, I wasn't interested and/or didn't have enough energy to figure out what a rock opera of Alice in Wonderland might look like. I imagined something vague, with a bit of music thrown in. A few songs.

Well, I was wrong. It was the kind of show where if someone had tried to tell me what it would be like or if I had really understood what it would be like or {more likely} thought I understood what it would be like, I would probably not have bought tickets. And that would have been too bad because it was also the kind of show where I actually burst out laughing at the beginning of the second song because of how ludicrous it seemed. It was then that I truly understood what I was watching {what a rock opera of Alice and Wonderland *actually* looked like.} Oh, I get it now, I thought. Rock opera. It all suddenly became clear. Rock opera.

Around about the time that I burst out laughing, one of the other mom's there sitting next to me turned and smiled at me. She said, "This isn't what I expected at all." No kidding. And yet, I knew there was a choice to be made right then and there. I could either immerse myself. Thoroughly enjoy myself. Get involved in and swept up by the music, the inspiration, the hilarity of it all. Or, I could decide it was too cheesy. Too weird. And count down the minutes until it ended. I chose the former. And am pleased to say that now I will forever continue to chuckle as I remember a man dressed up as a large egg (Humpty Dumpty, no less) singing a rock! rendition of the Jabberwocky. I'm not kidding. It was that good.

My kids, I am happy to say, made the same choice, though I would not have blamed them if they hadn't been able to transition over to the appreciating side. If they had continued to grumble until the end, it would have been completely understandable. It was that crazy. Out-there. Unexpected. Samuel turned around for good around about the time that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum sang about the Walrus and the Carpenter. Something about the little puppet oysters, I'm sure. And those guys really had a way about them. I was partial to the Mock Turtle's song and his Don't Mock Me Tour. Clever.

Still, I have to say that the choice to enjoy or not to enjoy doesn't always work. Or rather, it isn't always the wrong choice not to enjoy. Sometimes, the amount of enthusiasm necessary to muster outweighs the actual enjoyment. Sometimes, you've already tried. Sometimes, it really just isn't your thing and no matter how much you try, you can only go so far. This time, however, it worked. This time, I was able to meet the show head on. This time, it was me and the rock opera. A perfect match. And I loved {almost} every minute of it. (When I remembered to, that is.)

slice of life

What I love about cats (one thing) is their ability to find comfort just about anywhere. As long as it's the right place. Here is Agnes doing her signature lounging. Check out how the knitting book is propped up on the bowl of dried flowers.

That there *is* a bowl of dried flowers on the table. {Flowers from our garden. Picked by Eva.} With the walk man. The kids are both listening to the Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia Wrede. So far they both like the first book, Dealing with Dragons, and are less thrilled (much less thrilled, in Samuel's case) with the other three. I love hearing them discuss the books together.

There is also a bag for my knitting. And my current knitting. And the knitting book. A glass of water that was mine but has no doubt by this point become Agnes's. A mouse she will not eat. Cat food in the background she has already eaten. Oranges from Chili to the left. Mostly for Eva. A bowl with agates from the beach and a river rock from camping this summer.

poncho love

OK- turns out I love the poncho. I am actually wearing it right now. We have been having lovely fall weather complete with sunshine and warm winds. I took my sweater off today and put on a short sleeve shirt. The poncho with that out on the patio is just the thing.

Today I was going to write about this migraine that I had yesterday, all last night and half the day today. I am actually still recovering from it and have to take it easy and go to bed early lest it get reved up again and return, as migraines in the past have been known to do. This morning I had an amazing time out on the patio with the sunshine and fall leaves and migraine. The wind was blowing and the trees were dancing. This type of high pressure, warm wind weather, while lovely, also reminds me of migraines, probably because it seems to be a trigger for me for migraines, at least some part of it. I'm not sure if it's the dry wind or the sudden increase in pressure or both, since the warm winds don't seem to exist without the increase in pressure, at least not around here.

For the geese, though, this weather seemed to be all about flight practice. While I sat on the patio eating potatoes and drinking coffee, enjoying the fresh air after a sleepless night, the geese flew over our house and back to the park several times. Each time I would first hear the build up a few blocks away. Then I would see a few of the first geese to take off, just behind the trees a few houses over. Then a rush of dozens- perhaps 200 geese?- as they flew up and around the trees, past our house, over to the left and back to the park. What I love most about watching the geese stretch their wings is just how much they have to say to one another about flying, while flying. It felt to me at times like their energy, their sheer numbers, could pull the migraine up out of my head and release it into the air. Free. The migraine now free of the boundaries of my head, constricting it's movement to dull pounding, could pulse unbridled through the air with the geese. My head, now free of the migraine's insistent pounding, could bask in the silence. In the peace. I breathed a sigh of relief just thinking of it.

But now- even more than then, I am tired of the migraine's presence in my life. It should have gone away hours ago. It should never have come. And I don't wish to talk about it- much less write about it- any more.

So, there will be pictures of Eva's art project today. And a video of how it's done.

halloween 2010

This year the kids were sick before, during and after Halloween. We went out trick or treating despite the illness. In fact, I'm really glad it's all over so that the kids are finally able to stop worrying about whether or not they would be able to go trick or treating even-though-they-were-sick. In my mind, they would have had to have been pretty sick to keep them in from trick or treating. If they opted to stay in, I would absolutely have honored that too. Still, there are only so many of these dress-up-and-go-trick-or-treating nights in your life and this Sunday was one of them. So we went.

In contrast to years past, Samuel didn't have a costume idea that he was looking forward to for long stretches at a time. He liked his costume and had fun with it but he didn't have the same level of enthusiasm about it that he did with, for instance, the Darth Vader costume (either the first or the second time around).

The weather was gorgeous and the trees really did their part. I love Halloween for getting people out in their community and saying hi to their neighbors. I am always so pleasantly surprised at how friendly everyone is and remind myself each year how much I love this part of the season.



The kids decorated the front of our house and Eva explaining her piles of candy to me after she sorted them.

One of the things about them being sick this year is that we have SO much more candy lingering around the house. I can't remember a time when the candy has lasted this long. Both of the kids have eaten a few things but for the most part have steered clear of the candy while they are feeling sick.



Here they are ready to go out- Eva as a cat and Samuel as Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter.

poncho gone shawl-ish

I finished up the poncho I had been working on. Actually, I knit the second panel while spending time with Maxwell during his last week with us. It's a nice memory, thinking of him sitting on my lap while I knit that poncho. Which is probably the main reason, now that I think about it, that I will keep it regardless of its actual likeness to the poncho I had imagined it would be.

After I finished up the bath puppets a few days ago I decided to sew up the sides and *finish* the poncho once and for all. There were a few issues with the size and shape, it turns out, the first being that how I had conceptualized it looking and how it actually looked varied enough to get me thinking about other ways to construct it. I looked at several poncho designs and finally decided on sewing one of the edges to an end and adding buttons to the other side to give it the flexibility of being either a poncho or a shawl, depending. (I found the buttons at the Button Emporium.)

But once I had sewn it up and added the buttons, I realized it was still too big to be worn {by me} in the way I had wanted. Oh well. It still makes a lovely shawl-ish throw type garment, though, and both Eva and I have used it today to warm up. It seems actually quite appropriate for us to be using it while sitting warmly inside. I'm positive that if Maxwell were here with us today he would have found a way to wrap up in the poncho as well. It really is the perfect bit of cat knitting.



One of the buttons before I realized that idea wouldn't work. Also- the many colors. The yarns come from various sources- a few from Flock and Fiber, a few from my stash, one bought for the project and two waiting around for the perfect rainy day.



Here it is on me. See what I mean about the size, particularly on one side? The yarn is pretty heavy, which also contributes quite a bit to how it drapes. I think, though, it could be doable if I get one of those shawl holder thingies (can't think of the name). It's worth a try. I have a stitch holder keeping it together in the picture and it isn't quite strong enough.



And really, this is the best possible use for it. Here is Eva warming up with the poncho in the morning. I guess I will keep calling it a poncho, for lack of a better word. Shawl-ish is good but doesn't seem to quite roll off the tongue, at least not yet.