Yesterday I was all set to show a friend of mine how to make soap. I carted all the oils and equipment over to my friend Nicole's house (who so generously offered her space) and got ready to set up, starting with the sodium hydroxide. When I opened it up, the entire one gallon bucket of lye was solid. There was some slushy lye goo on the top that I could scrape through and underneath it was completely hardened. At first I thought I could scrape some out but it was impenetrable. I realized too that in this state the sodium hydroxide might not be strong enough to use for soap making anyway. When I got home I looked around for some information about what could have happened but could find nothing. Finally this morning I read a little about the properties of sodium hydroxide and found out that it is extremely hygroscopic- it literally "attracts water molecules out of the surrounding environment". The wikipedia entry I read said that sodium hydroxide (NaOH) is so hygroscopic it dissolves in the water it absorbs. So, basically, my NaOH has been attracting water from the winter rain of the Pacific Northwest for several months in my garage and I knew nothing about it. Now I know. I will definitely make sure that the lid on my next bucket of lye is securely attached.

But I love this. While reading about hygroscopy and lye and such I found a picture of this little guy. The thorny devil. He is also hygroscopic. Go figure. He lives in the desert and has "hygroscopic grooves between the spines of his skin to capture water in". Imagine that. NaOH and thorny devils attracting water every which a ways. And what am I attracting into my life every which a ways, just because I am who I am?

At first I thought that the NaOH was a little silly for pulling in all that water- it's called having an affinity for water. It does, after all, turn itself into a solid mass of unusable ick. But who am I to judge? The lye was no longer usable for my purposes, true enough. It's not really here for me, though, I have to admit. I can choose to use it but NaOH is not mine. When it attracts water to itself it becomes less reactive, more at rest. Peaceful? What if we attracted everything that felt good to us in our lives- everything we had an affinity for? Enough so that we finally felt at peace. Non-reactive. We need to expect that it will come, though, set ourselves up for it. Just like that little thorny devil running around the desert with his hygroscopic grooves. Each tiny bit of water collects in those grooves and converges and grows until he has enough water to sustain himself in the desert heat. Maybe it's like that in our own lives as well. Each bit of goodness, no matter how small it seems now, joins with other bits here and there. If we notice the bits one by one as they show up, collect them like the thorny devil collects water, absorb them like the lye draws in the water, they will join together to form enough goodness to sustain us. In this life there is goodness to be had for everyone. We have to set ourselves up to notice it, though. Take stock of it when it enters our lives. Save a space to hold it in our hearts. And expect that it will come. Again. Expect that it will come.

and yes there are crocuses blooming

We spent the day hanging out with friends at our house. The kids spent a good bit of time in and out of the house playing and looking through toys and books and such. This was the first time we had gotten together with these friends in our home and there was much seeing and showing and telling about. Guinea pigs, star wars, Nerf guns, guinea pigs, swinging, dollhouses, cats, dogs, snacks, guinea pigs, Playmobil. Did I say guinea pigs? The sun was shining and the kids had the inspired idea to take a walk to a nearby park and we spent the next two hours (give or take) outside at the park while they worked on moving rocks around to create a stream and waterfall leading into the lake there. It was a magical time with flocking birds, great blue herons, ducks and coots, a rare snowy egret sighting (my first at this park), saving worms from certain death in the now flowing water. The grand finale was a crawdad who crawled out from under one last rock being pried from the ground. He made his way down the flowing stream, meandering unhurriedly as though the path were made for his journey out to the lake. We walked back chilled and contented with cold hands and muddy feet. Bare heads. Laughing in the setting sunshine.

static

And just like that, more thoughts. There is a Samuel Butler (the Victorian novelist, not my son, although my son certainly has some quotes to remember as well) quote that a friend of mine posted on facebook yesterday that got me thinking.

Here's the quote-

"Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself. ~Samuel Butler

What I thought when I read this quote was that static meant fixed, rigid, permanent. A force at rest. Showing little change. In this context, fear is something that is fixed in our lives. The permanence of it (of our thinking it is permanent) keeps us from moving into the unknown, flowing with life, which is decidedly not permanent.

Of course the other way to read static in this quote is as background noise- background noise that is loud enough to keep us from hearing the voice of our self, our desires, our heart. Either way, fear is something that can get in the way of us flowing with life- of even hearing what that flow might be or where it might take us. {I'm just noticing too that the word static even feels like the opposite of the word flow.}

I'm not necessarily one to suggest we have to conquer every fear or do all of the things that we are most afraid of. I think in some cases, some fears, can be helpful. The types of fears I am thinking of with this quote are those fears where you know you want something but are letting a fear guide you instead. It has been my experience that you can tell which type of fear is which (a helpful fear or a limiting one) by the level of sadness you feel when you think about not doing what you want and living the fear instead. Even just thinking about the possibility of flowing rather than fearing can open up your heart enough so that you notice a shift in your perception of your fear and how very un-solid and quiet it can be.

ice skating

The kids and I have been able to get out quite a bit lately after feeling sick for-what-seemed-like-ever. {Which seems less dramatic than saying we were sick *forever*. Because we weren't, it just seemed like it. It was actually only a little over a week.} And I have to say I am looking forward to more ice skating today. I am going to be sure to take plenty of food, though. The last time we went ice skating I was so hungry and had a migraine coming on. I could find no respite in the food surrounding me at the mall. Ack. Something about eating one of those pretzels or egads having a drink of my kids' icee? would surely have made things worse. So it's peanut butter and crackers for me today. And lots and lots of water. And maybe some iced tea, but only because that sounds good right now. Proactive is the word of the day. Ice skating wears me out and makes my head cold but if I am ready for it, I love spending time there with my kids and our friends. And of course Samuel and Eva love it. They ask about it all week long and want to stay and skate all day. What more?

peaceful knitting

I have been feeling a little uninspired about what to write on the old blog these days. Maybe it is the illness. Something too about spending quite a bit of time over the past couple of months figuring out some time honored life lessons about peace-of-mind and I suddenly have very little to say on the philosophical front and feel more like putting it into practice. So I am practicing again and good grief trying to appreciate the pause in chaos for once because goodness knows I wish for peace when the chaos is here. Why not enjoy the peace when it finally decides to make an entrance. But not a hanging-on-fearful-when-it-will-end sort of enjoyment. {Although there is certainly some of that, but that takes practice. More practice.} But more like an appreciation for where I am right now- whether peaceful or chaotic- and feeling the benefit of each. So I see I did have something to say after all.

I find I get so good at being with the chaos that the peace feels- quiet. Not wanting to inadvertently bring on any unnecessary chaos, I have been working on quite a bit of knitting. My new plan to staying peaceful. You've no idea how much more knitting I can do when it is peaceful. Chaotic knitting is left to sit over and over again. Dropped stitches. Forgotten needle sizes. Lost patterns. But peaceful knitting? Peaceful knitting flows off the needles lickety split. And the inspiration. Idea after idea. Doable. Done.

I am currently fixing up a sweater that I knit last year but that hasn't quite worked out the way I had hoped. The last week or more I have been adding length, changing the bottom from ribbing to a hem and turning it into a cardigan. I am all set to add a zipper after I finish up putting in pockets. At the very least I hope it will be a good sweater for the changing weather of spring. I need something to wear to Sauvie Island when we go to check on the frogs. I'll post a before and after picture when I am done. My plan is to do one new project each month and then finish up a project that has been sitting around. This project I am finishing up is moving into the next month but I think it will be worth it once it is done. Then onto a scarf. More lace. I can't get enough.

early tastes of spring

We've been blessed with some lovely sunny days. Yesterday Samuel and Eva and I met our friends Esme and Nicole at the Rhododendron Gardens. We love going there any time of year- it is a fantastic place to feed ducks and geese. And squirrels. We brought extra peanuts for the squirrels this time and the kids had fun offering peanuts to some already very well-fed red tailed squirrels. They took turns and the squirrels went from one child to the next gently taking peanuts from their hands.



Here are two of the little guys, the first one taking a peanut and the second after he had scurried off to eat it.



Surprise surprise- there were even some flowers blooming! Here is Samuel offering up the whole bag of cracked corn to an obliging goose.

Samuel concocting with markers in water.