fortunately

I've been thoroughly enjoying the spring weather and all that it brings. Pink tree blossoms, daffodils, the azaleas are starting, witch hazel bushes, even a few rhododendron bushes are bursting with color. I would normally be filling these blog pages with photo after photo of the flowers surrounding me. Eva's hair in pigtails! Guinea pigs feasting on dandelion greens. Jack laying in the sunshine while I finally get to meditate outside again.

Unfortunately, we are still having battery issues and this means there are fewer than usual pictures to upload. Fortunately, I have been spending just as much time enjoying spring's bounty without the camera. Unfortunately, I have not fixed the battery issue with home improvement project #2. Fortunately, there really is no deadline and I have plenty of time to deal with batteries. Unfortunately, my kids remind me nearly every day to fix the battery situation. Fortunately, my kids remind me nearly every day to fix the battery situation. Get the idea? Thanks to my friend Erik for the fortunately game. I just can't get enough of things just being these days.

It seems one thing I continue to struggle with- unfortunately? fortunately?- is being with not-knowing. Or not-knowing just being? Not-knowing, in particular, seems to feel more on the unfortunately side than not. After thinking things through just now, it seems like it might have to do at least a little bit with logistics- if I can just move through some part of a not-knowing, then I will be done with it and on to what I want to be doing instead. Being in the moment and not-knowing feels more than a little bit like chaos to me {sometimes} and flowing chaos takes presence. Maybe that is it. Is it easier to be unconscious and pushing to know than to be conscious and present and not-knowing? Fortunately, I know that isn't so. It's all in the remembering. And the trusting. There's that trust thing again...